I Need a Boy in My Life.....

Well, I'm a straight
a normal girl who has a passion
has a feeling of affection
and really need a warm hug from a man

Not spoiled boy, not a nerd one or preppy
but my eyes can't abandon a charm of bad boys
Burning my adrenalin, crushing my mind
and turning me on so badly

Full of temptations slap my dignity,
like a calm water, and splashed by the rain,
He just ruins my calmness and something inside my body starting to wake up,
darkness side of myself knocks my brain
and my ego can take control of my healthy soul....

Dangerous and died are waiting in the end,
Adventure for hide and seek dating,
Lust and more excitement turn my hot body...
an affair has began, forbidden interaction between me and boy,
a really bad boy
and I think that's my goal

I don't need to be understood,
Not to be listened,
because I know that He won't care
because I know that He is a liar
because I know He is a jerk, only a jackass!

but I just need any experience of great adventure from well-known boy,
because He knows how to make me laugh
He knows which part makes me tingling
He really experiences how to kiss a girl....
and He hugs me with power and masculinity
Warmness and blushing my cheeks when He kisses my cheeks....

So, I don't need any happily ever after right now,
I know that He will be a murderer in my bad future life,
but I just need a boy in my life for now on...

Why don't You Love Me? (inspired by Beyonce)

Giving up before I compete is not me
Surely I will fight back,
Even though my distance faraway from your settle,
I'm here to walk with your life
Passing your age as mine

I got my own beauty,
refusing everything you can swallow
for one reason, getting idealism of beauty woman
Getting in war with powder, glossy lips and face mask
but, where are you? You never notice it

Easily said that pure is better,
and your choice makes me insulted
No pretty face, what's else??
Good girl?? I am a good girl, better than her
I'm trying to be Saint Mary, not just pretending but open my true heart to be kindness
but, your reaction only denial

I'm sexy, good in shape
although I can't stop the time always be forever young,
but I'm sexy not just psychically, but my brain too
I have money, buying my stuff without help
and what is she?? She is just a kid!! no more at all

When I kiss you, what do you really feel?
Just stupid lust or playing dumb??
I'm a good kisser, comparing with her, what she can do??
Pureness?? Untouchable??
I'm clean, baby....as holy as an angel

I give you mine, all you want is my order...
Jumping, killing, even dying,
but you said that I'm too over, never realized that this is for you, babe
for your happiness, even I should drown under my limits
You don't care that I'm here to give you a pure love, no debt, no pay back

Finally, my question is Why don't you love me, baby??!!

Little too Late

It's a lie if I'm not waiting for you,
It's lie if I'm not crying now,
and it's absolutely a lie if my heart's not be crushed on you

I didn't get it why I couldn't see your face in my dreams,
I didn't know why my mind always controlled my true heart,
I didn't realize why I had to fall in love with the other guys,
instead there was you, here, who always saw me deeply...

We're walking as a friend,
Supporting each other and taking care one to another,
Distance can't separate our soul, our friendship
You're happy for me, so do I...

but I knew from the beginning;
since you were closer to my life,
since you looked my fragile soul,
that there was something special between us

It's dangerous passion,
Kisses, touches, hugs, the air
everything about those warn my brain,
Giving me red alert to avoid your charms,
and I decide to win my rationality

Now, when I more aware that my true's kiss is you,
You have turned around from my sight
You have chosen another girl to fill my place,
and I get myself walking alone in my wrong path I chose before

My heart is painfully destructed,
It's little too late for me to reveal my own feeling
I'm still here to stand as your best friend who always pray for your happiness,
but I can't lie that I also pray for a miracle between you and me,
Wishing if someday God has kind heart to born us again,
I'm sure to run catch your heart so no one can steal you from my arms

If I were a Boy...(Inspired by Beyonce Knowles)

Too hard to be a woman,
Full mask to change,
from ugly duckling to be swan princess
Working as hard as man, sometimes harder
but still getting underestimate from people

If I were a boy,
Let my face dirty with mustache and beardy,
I was still be adored by girls
Working or sleeping at home,
people stayed honor my masculinity

Too hard to be a woman,
Many responsibility are brought on my shoulders,
being worker in two places,
being good chef,
being a silent wife,
being an adorable mother,
and being an object for lust and desire

If I were a boy,
Sometimes I could replace my responsibility to another girl,
being unemployment but still in charge at home,
being food critics but my plate was empty,
being rules maker husband,
being odd father,
and I had my own right to lead my passion,
with who and when....

Too hard to be a woman,
Powerless,
but still sued to be stronger
Crying is the only weapon in hands,
but anger is not allowed
Stuck in awry position,
Thinking logically or optimizing feeling only

If I were a boy,
I was strong enough,
even though just my bravery mouth; cowardness personality indeed
My hands and my feets could be sharp weapon to keep silent,
I would get angry more and more if tears were down now
Said right or wrong was my faith,
but it was alright to be in grey area

Too hard to be a woman,
People always judge my action, my face, my personality, my strange behaviour
Smoking like a boy, my interest of 'guy' thing,
Dressing over, too less or too much,
My bob cut, my long cut
my disloyality or my failure
Those things will be never ending story, even I have buried under deeper ground

If I were a boy,
I didn't care about what people say because every step I made would be proper thing
Smoking everywhere, anytime,
Spending my money to useless addiction,
Old jacket, ripped jeans, stinky T-shirt,
Long cut, bald-headed
Chasing two or three girls around,
Those things would be an ordinary behaviour and people would say "That's a man"

Too hard to be a woman,
but I'm still prefer to be a woman than a man
because there's only phrase for "Lady's first"
I will be a lady forever at any age
and boys will be a boy forever time

These are The Confession of My Broken Heart

Why love can be so hurt like this?
If love is ending sadly like this, I prefer to die...
My body is shaking,
I can't cry even though my tears almost tear down...
I force myself to give the best smile in front of him...

Pretending to laugh slices my body,
Fake smile garnishing my straight face,
and pain heart always trying to get me down...
but, once again, I can't cry
because I have to be strong for you,
as your friend,
to wish you every happiness in your life,
even though I have to bury my deep feeling deeply

Now, I'm here alone,
Acting as a good woman so well,
never let him to see me cry,
and no one will see me beaten hardly...
Hiding the truth,
Let me be the shadow behind his light....

Watching him from far away,
I will be fine if he's happy with her....
Never let him to know that I'm here dying for a broken heart...
and these are the confession of my broken heart, deep and bottom sadness...

Parenthood, a Process of Teaching and Learning

a little heart beat is heard inside her body,
it's so amazing thing happens in her life
as a woman to be a perfect woman,
She promises to keep it alive

after many months has passed,
beating her swollen legs,
conquering peeing needs everytime,
winning every single night with open eyes,
holding on the heaviest burden ever inside her stomach,
a little miracle from God is waiting to born in this world..

The battle field is not over yet,
taking care from a tiny body until a grown up body,
so tired but happiness sweeps off the sweat...
teaching many good things and prohibiting bad things,
so exhausted but proudness gives fresh air...
learning to be a good example in her life,
so weary but hope in the future shines so brightly...
Expectation from raising a better generation aborts any fearness and doubtness..

Affection without purpose,
Duty without taking profit,
Sacrifice without asking repayment,
giving her life to be the best parenthood moments...

in the edge of age,
when her life is close to the end,
when her power is not stonger anymore,
when her sight is no longer bright...
when the Father Time allows her to take a rest,
in fact, there's another war zone to be passed...

Facing rebellion phase,
Crying and sadness during the days,
Broken heart kilss the patient,
Getting angry is the only way....

Fighting forgets any respect each others,
Creating a new gap,
The only reason is everybody's changing...
Sometimes the final is a mess, sometimes it's done well,
and sometimes it's broken off...

Family's value becomes nothing important,
money can buy everything right now,
including love, affection, respect, loyality and brotherhood
Being parents is the most difficult thing in human's life...
No one can be the best parents for their kids,
but remember this, respect our parents is the precious thing,
what's the guarantee?
like the Bible said,"adhere your parents in God, and you will get every happiness and longevity in this world"

Lost in Love

Get drunk of poison love,
Trying to please someone else,
Changing personality,
and drowning in romantic dreaming ever...

Then, arriving in dark place,
no sign, no light, no direction
Forgetting where's the final destiny,
only rolling around in the same place
over and over again...

Deaf earring,
Blind sight,
getting dizzy but holding on tighter,
can't hear anything, can't see the right side,
going through in illusion way of wrong vision...

Until realize that these steps was walking too far,
and it's hardly to find the step back,
Getting lost in love,
Unfortunately, a fake love during years..

Taking a rest for a while,
but bitter memories are haunted,
Trying to drag body to the deeply nightmare,
Difficult to wake up, difficult to abort it,
Just dying slowly with loneliness attacking right now...

Separated

My step had been so far away from my home,
I didn't know why I couldn't turn back and runaway,
just stuck in my daily life with strange guy,
who I didn't recognize again....

For years, I had known him,
It should be worked for both of us..
but I was wrong so hard,
I was struggling the wrong guy,
I was holding my proud so tightly,
and now, the world against me back

If I lived here for another round,
I would die soon without any weapons in my bare hand
If I leaved him for my freedom,
I would fly as free as a bird which let it out from a golden bird cage...

and I chose to separate..
I lived my own way and I didn't care what's happened to him
I got my life back....my own dream, my first aim,
I thought that everything would be just fine with my breakout decision,
and that was God's willingness

but, I forgot that there's people behind me,
This is a never ending nightmare for them...
and that was my last chance to meet my beloved one,
my baby.....

Life is gambling, no one will know what will be happened tomorrow,
or next second, or next minute, or next week, or next month, or next year
and I'm here laughing my silly life because I'm separated from my own kid..my little son,
I'm not crying, I just can't do it anymore, my tears have dried..
I won't regret my decision, I just surprised with the result....

Seeing my daughter crying in her bed, begging for a reunion...
but my stubborn kills my feeling,
Now, I'm only praying for my baby boy in every single night,
may God always protect him and return him to me on the next future...
Maybe right now, it's better for us for being separated...

The Wedding's Day

This poem proudly present for my 2 best friends which will get married this year:

My heart beats rapidly,
My hand is cold sweaty,
and I get nervous,
every minute I check how do I look in the mirror
and seeing my entire myself in my wedding gown

I've grown up so much now,
Facing the world,
and conquering my own dreams,
until I met someone who I feel that he is the right one for me
Someone who will be my best friend forever in my life...

The altar is waiting for me now,
My wedding's day in God's home,
Faithfullness oath will be spoken between us,
happiness and sadness...
until death separates us....

But I know that this is not the end of story,
I'm not living in a fairytale, I'm not getting married with the prince charming,
and there's no happilly ever after, only death which separates us later...
I'm opening the new gate, a new door
I open a new step in my life,
my own family which it means that two becomes one....

The new journey will begin soon,
Happiness,
fight,
sadness,
challenge,
changes,
differences,
baby,
money,
future,
Those will be colouring my life with him....

I can choose to hold on, despite my selfishness
I will face every typhoon bravely,
I won't give in,
to struggle my happy ending...

or I can choose to go back like a kid,
My own principle, my own rules,
no matter what people think or say,
I have to win myself
and in the end, I will get lost everything...

The groom is waiting for me,
I'm walking slowly and looking his face..
He looks handsome and happy,
this is the one that will be my beloved one, my old friend,
from now until forever

Happy Wedding!!!

Being Lonely Kills My Brain

Feeling empty even though the glass is fully loaded..
Emptiness chokes my neck until I can't loud my own voice,
and no one can hear me,
They think that I'm just okay

I'm getting lost in my own settle,
Every room is looked same with others,
and nothing gives any help to reach out

I live right now like I'm walking in the darkness when the sun shines brightly,
My eyes are covered with the black blindfold, so it's just a dark path to be chosen
and no hand waits for me

Those always haunt behind me,
It makes me frightened....I wonder is there anyone can save me?
I'm afraid of being lonely, even my beloved friends laugh with me all the time around,
Although my creation kills my time,
but loneliness is running close to me, over and over
I need something but I don't know what is it
and nothing can set me free..

I Wish I Could

I wish I could turn back this time
I will run into you and catch you
Until no one can steal you from me

I wish I could attract your attention
I will give my best, my life over you
Until you can't turn away anymore

I wish I could create my future
I will paint my life beautifully according to my own willingness
Until people say that I'm a lucky woman

I wish I could make you say you love me
I will break all the rules, all the gaps between us
Until I can hold you tightly, never release you from my prison heart

I wish I could own you as my love one
I will kill everything who tries separate us
Until it remains two of us

I wish I could runaway with you
I will go over the years, to some place that no one can find us
Until my time is done with you

I wish I could....to say I love you....

I'm still Waiting For You

Looking for your face,
here in my loneliness
expecting for your attendance,
pay attention for every sign

I'm like a hunchback missing the moon,
always keep silent because I can't push you
but, I really wanna meet you once again
It's okay if just a moment...even just for a minute

Running to see my window,
Wishing that car passed is yours
I miss your hug which is warming my fear
I dream of you, dreaming of your hug
I see your face and wake up with tears down

Until the last breath that I can take,
I'm still expecting for your coming
Waiting for you in silence
and preparing my best smile for you later

We Found Love in a Hopeless Place (Inspired by Rihanna)

Paul says in his letter on the Bible;
Love is hoping in everything..
Directly, I will ask him did he ever feel that hope is painfully?

Hope in love makes me excited at the first time
It creates many sweet dreams in my night sleeping beauty
and waits for an answer patiently

Until the reality slaps my face hardly,
I realize that true love's kiss will never come to me with the white horse-prince charming...
I wake up with tears in my cheeks,
I'm forced to accept that reality is bitter, not according to my hope...

We met but no love between us,
only fool passion and fake desire made us get drunk,
Every touch, kiss and hug were lust, not love which I'm dreaming about
I'm hoping too much...

In the end, it remains regret, broken heart, and disappointed...
and I will show another mask of my life,
Playing a drama that I'm stronger so this pain can't cut my heart until little pieces

Hopeless love between both of us,
Not the right time, not the right one...
You and I will never be Romeo & Juliet
This is my guilt who hopes more than I can reach....still I know that will be a mess
I won't hope anything, I will never hope again in love,
Let me kill this feeling and turn off my place in your heart.....

I don't Wanna End My Sweet Dream

This Holiday I meet you again,
Same face of you
but I know that you've changed a lot
My eyes don't see a careless boy anymore,
I find a man, real man

I don't really believe that you've changed to be the best thing I've ever had,
Not only sweet and gentle attitude,
calmness and maturity show me of your charms...
Maybe I've fallen over you, I confess it

You're coming in front of my door,
without any knock-knock,
without any calls before,
but you surprise me with your presence,
with your perfect suit under this rainy season, wet shoulders,
still you give a bright smile to me
which makes my heart's jumping outside

Your kiss in my forehead makes me feel relieved...
Your touch in my skin gently makes me comfort
and your big hug makes me save in your arms

This holiday will be over soon,
but don't ever wake me up,
I'm still on dreaming, a sweet dream, the sweetest one
I don't wanna end this moment with you,
Although we won't be together in the end of time,
I wanna keep my sweet memories in my heart forever....

P.S. I'm trapped your poisoned virus xxx