Separated

My step had been so far away from my home,
I didn't know why I couldn't turn back and runaway,
just stuck in my daily life with strange guy,
who I didn't recognize again....

For years, I had known him,
It should be worked for both of us..
but I was wrong so hard,
I was struggling the wrong guy,
I was holding my proud so tightly,
and now, the world against me back

If I lived here for another round,
I would die soon without any weapons in my bare hand
If I leaved him for my freedom,
I would fly as free as a bird which let it out from a golden bird cage...

and I chose to separate..
I lived my own way and I didn't care what's happened to him
I got my life back....my own dream, my first aim,
I thought that everything would be just fine with my breakout decision,
and that was God's willingness

but, I forgot that there's people behind me,
This is a never ending nightmare for them...
and that was my last chance to meet my beloved one,
my baby.....

Life is gambling, no one will know what will be happened tomorrow,
or next second, or next minute, or next week, or next month, or next year
and I'm here laughing my silly life because I'm separated from my own kid..my little son,
I'm not crying, I just can't do it anymore, my tears have dried..
I won't regret my decision, I just surprised with the result....

Seeing my daughter crying in her bed, begging for a reunion...
but my stubborn kills my feeling,
Now, I'm only praying for my baby boy in every single night,
may God always protect him and return him to me on the next future...
Maybe right now, it's better for us for being separated...

The Wedding's Day

This poem proudly present for my 2 best friends which will get married this year:

My heart beats rapidly,
My hand is cold sweaty,
and I get nervous,
every minute I check how do I look in the mirror
and seeing my entire myself in my wedding gown

I've grown up so much now,
Facing the world,
and conquering my own dreams,
until I met someone who I feel that he is the right one for me
Someone who will be my best friend forever in my life...

The altar is waiting for me now,
My wedding's day in God's home,
Faithfullness oath will be spoken between us,
happiness and sadness...
until death separates us....

But I know that this is not the end of story,
I'm not living in a fairytale, I'm not getting married with the prince charming,
and there's no happilly ever after, only death which separates us later...
I'm opening the new gate, a new door
I open a new step in my life,
my own family which it means that two becomes one....

The new journey will begin soon,
Happiness,
fight,
sadness,
challenge,
changes,
differences,
baby,
money,
future,
Those will be colouring my life with him....

I can choose to hold on, despite my selfishness
I will face every typhoon bravely,
I won't give in,
to struggle my happy ending...

or I can choose to go back like a kid,
My own principle, my own rules,
no matter what people think or say,
I have to win myself
and in the end, I will get lost everything...

The groom is waiting for me,
I'm walking slowly and looking his face..
He looks handsome and happy,
this is the one that will be my beloved one, my old friend,
from now until forever

Happy Wedding!!!

Being Lonely Kills My Brain

Feeling empty even though the glass is fully loaded..
Emptiness chokes my neck until I can't loud my own voice,
and no one can hear me,
They think that I'm just okay

I'm getting lost in my own settle,
Every room is looked same with others,
and nothing gives any help to reach out

I live right now like I'm walking in the darkness when the sun shines brightly,
My eyes are covered with the black blindfold, so it's just a dark path to be chosen
and no hand waits for me

Those always haunt behind me,
It makes me frightened....I wonder is there anyone can save me?
I'm afraid of being lonely, even my beloved friends laugh with me all the time around,
Although my creation kills my time,
but loneliness is running close to me, over and over
I need something but I don't know what is it
and nothing can set me free..

I Wish I Could

I wish I could turn back this time
I will run into you and catch you
Until no one can steal you from me

I wish I could attract your attention
I will give my best, my life over you
Until you can't turn away anymore

I wish I could create my future
I will paint my life beautifully according to my own willingness
Until people say that I'm a lucky woman

I wish I could make you say you love me
I will break all the rules, all the gaps between us
Until I can hold you tightly, never release you from my prison heart

I wish I could own you as my love one
I will kill everything who tries separate us
Until it remains two of us

I wish I could runaway with you
I will go over the years, to some place that no one can find us
Until my time is done with you

I wish I could....to say I love you....

I'm still Waiting For You

Looking for your face,
here in my loneliness
expecting for your attendance,
pay attention for every sign

I'm like a hunchback missing the moon,
always keep silent because I can't push you
but, I really wanna meet you once again
It's okay if just a moment...even just for a minute

Running to see my window,
Wishing that car passed is yours
I miss your hug which is warming my fear
I dream of you, dreaming of your hug
I see your face and wake up with tears down

Until the last breath that I can take,
I'm still expecting for your coming
Waiting for you in silence
and preparing my best smile for you later

We Found Love in a Hopeless Place (Inspired by Rihanna)

Paul says in his letter on the Bible;
Love is hoping in everything..
Directly, I will ask him did he ever feel that hope is painfully?

Hope in love makes me excited at the first time
It creates many sweet dreams in my night sleeping beauty
and waits for an answer patiently

Until the reality slaps my face hardly,
I realize that true love's kiss will never come to me with the white horse-prince charming...
I wake up with tears in my cheeks,
I'm forced to accept that reality is bitter, not according to my hope...

We met but no love between us,
only fool passion and fake desire made us get drunk,
Every touch, kiss and hug were lust, not love which I'm dreaming about
I'm hoping too much...

In the end, it remains regret, broken heart, and disappointed...
and I will show another mask of my life,
Playing a drama that I'm stronger so this pain can't cut my heart until little pieces

Hopeless love between both of us,
Not the right time, not the right one...
You and I will never be Romeo & Juliet
This is my guilt who hopes more than I can reach....still I know that will be a mess
I won't hope anything, I will never hope again in love,
Let me kill this feeling and turn off my place in your heart.....

I don't Wanna End My Sweet Dream

This Holiday I meet you again,
Same face of you
but I know that you've changed a lot
My eyes don't see a careless boy anymore,
I find a man, real man

I don't really believe that you've changed to be the best thing I've ever had,
Not only sweet and gentle attitude,
calmness and maturity show me of your charms...
Maybe I've fallen over you, I confess it

You're coming in front of my door,
without any knock-knock,
without any calls before,
but you surprise me with your presence,
with your perfect suit under this rainy season, wet shoulders,
still you give a bright smile to me
which makes my heart's jumping outside

Your kiss in my forehead makes me feel relieved...
Your touch in my skin gently makes me comfort
and your big hug makes me save in your arms

This holiday will be over soon,
but don't ever wake me up,
I'm still on dreaming, a sweet dream, the sweetest one
I don't wanna end this moment with you,
Although we won't be together in the end of time,
I wanna keep my sweet memories in my heart forever....

P.S. I'm trapped your poisoned virus xxx