Parenthood, a Process of Teaching and Learning

a little heart beat is heard inside her body,
it's so amazing thing happens in her life
as a woman to be a perfect woman,
She promises to keep it alive

after many months has passed,
beating her swollen legs,
conquering peeing needs everytime,
winning every single night with open eyes,
holding on the heaviest burden ever inside her stomach,
a little miracle from God is waiting to born in this world..

The battle field is not over yet,
taking care from a tiny body until a grown up body,
so tired but happiness sweeps off the sweat...
teaching many good things and prohibiting bad things,
so exhausted but proudness gives fresh air...
learning to be a good example in her life,
so weary but hope in the future shines so brightly...
Expectation from raising a better generation aborts any fearness and doubtness..

Affection without purpose,
Duty without taking profit,
Sacrifice without asking repayment,
giving her life to be the best parenthood moments...

in the edge of age,
when her life is close to the end,
when her power is not stonger anymore,
when her sight is no longer bright...
when the Father Time allows her to take a rest,
in fact, there's another war zone to be passed...

Facing rebellion phase,
Crying and sadness during the days,
Broken heart kilss the patient,
Getting angry is the only way....

Fighting forgets any respect each others,
Creating a new gap,
The only reason is everybody's changing...
Sometimes the final is a mess, sometimes it's done well,
and sometimes it's broken off...

Family's value becomes nothing important,
money can buy everything right now,
including love, affection, respect, loyality and brotherhood
Being parents is the most difficult thing in human's life...
No one can be the best parents for their kids,
but remember this, respect our parents is the precious thing,
what's the guarantee?
like the Bible said,"adhere your parents in God, and you will get every happiness and longevity in this world"

Lost in Love

Get drunk of poison love,
Trying to please someone else,
Changing personality,
and drowning in romantic dreaming ever...

Then, arriving in dark place,
no sign, no light, no direction
Forgetting where's the final destiny,
only rolling around in the same place
over and over again...

Deaf earring,
Blind sight,
getting dizzy but holding on tighter,
can't hear anything, can't see the right side,
going through in illusion way of wrong vision...

Until realize that these steps was walking too far,
and it's hardly to find the step back,
Getting lost in love,
Unfortunately, a fake love during years..

Taking a rest for a while,
but bitter memories are haunted,
Trying to drag body to the deeply nightmare,
Difficult to wake up, difficult to abort it,
Just dying slowly with loneliness attacking right now...

Separated

My step had been so far away from my home,
I didn't know why I couldn't turn back and runaway,
just stuck in my daily life with strange guy,
who I didn't recognize again....

For years, I had known him,
It should be worked for both of us..
but I was wrong so hard,
I was struggling the wrong guy,
I was holding my proud so tightly,
and now, the world against me back

If I lived here for another round,
I would die soon without any weapons in my bare hand
If I leaved him for my freedom,
I would fly as free as a bird which let it out from a golden bird cage...

and I chose to separate..
I lived my own way and I didn't care what's happened to him
I got my life back....my own dream, my first aim,
I thought that everything would be just fine with my breakout decision,
and that was God's willingness

but, I forgot that there's people behind me,
This is a never ending nightmare for them...
and that was my last chance to meet my beloved one,
my baby.....

Life is gambling, no one will know what will be happened tomorrow,
or next second, or next minute, or next week, or next month, or next year
and I'm here laughing my silly life because I'm separated from my own kid..my little son,
I'm not crying, I just can't do it anymore, my tears have dried..
I won't regret my decision, I just surprised with the result....

Seeing my daughter crying in her bed, begging for a reunion...
but my stubborn kills my feeling,
Now, I'm only praying for my baby boy in every single night,
may God always protect him and return him to me on the next future...
Maybe right now, it's better for us for being separated...

The Wedding's Day

This poem proudly present for my 2 best friends which will get married this year:

My heart beats rapidly,
My hand is cold sweaty,
and I get nervous,
every minute I check how do I look in the mirror
and seeing my entire myself in my wedding gown

I've grown up so much now,
Facing the world,
and conquering my own dreams,
until I met someone who I feel that he is the right one for me
Someone who will be my best friend forever in my life...

The altar is waiting for me now,
My wedding's day in God's home,
Faithfullness oath will be spoken between us,
happiness and sadness...
until death separates us....

But I know that this is not the end of story,
I'm not living in a fairytale, I'm not getting married with the prince charming,
and there's no happilly ever after, only death which separates us later...
I'm opening the new gate, a new door
I open a new step in my life,
my own family which it means that two becomes one....

The new journey will begin soon,
Happiness,
fight,
sadness,
challenge,
changes,
differences,
baby,
money,
future,
Those will be colouring my life with him....

I can choose to hold on, despite my selfishness
I will face every typhoon bravely,
I won't give in,
to struggle my happy ending...

or I can choose to go back like a kid,
My own principle, my own rules,
no matter what people think or say,
I have to win myself
and in the end, I will get lost everything...

The groom is waiting for me,
I'm walking slowly and looking his face..
He looks handsome and happy,
this is the one that will be my beloved one, my old friend,
from now until forever

Happy Wedding!!!

Being Lonely Kills My Brain

Feeling empty even though the glass is fully loaded..
Emptiness chokes my neck until I can't loud my own voice,
and no one can hear me,
They think that I'm just okay

I'm getting lost in my own settle,
Every room is looked same with others,
and nothing gives any help to reach out

I live right now like I'm walking in the darkness when the sun shines brightly,
My eyes are covered with the black blindfold, so it's just a dark path to be chosen
and no hand waits for me

Those always haunt behind me,
It makes me frightened....I wonder is there anyone can save me?
I'm afraid of being lonely, even my beloved friends laugh with me all the time around,
Although my creation kills my time,
but loneliness is running close to me, over and over
I need something but I don't know what is it
and nothing can set me free..

I Wish I Could

I wish I could turn back this time
I will run into you and catch you
Until no one can steal you from me

I wish I could attract your attention
I will give my best, my life over you
Until you can't turn away anymore

I wish I could create my future
I will paint my life beautifully according to my own willingness
Until people say that I'm a lucky woman

I wish I could make you say you love me
I will break all the rules, all the gaps between us
Until I can hold you tightly, never release you from my prison heart

I wish I could own you as my love one
I will kill everything who tries separate us
Until it remains two of us

I wish I could runaway with you
I will go over the years, to some place that no one can find us
Until my time is done with you

I wish I could....to say I love you....

I'm still Waiting For You

Looking for your face,
here in my loneliness
expecting for your attendance,
pay attention for every sign

I'm like a hunchback missing the moon,
always keep silent because I can't push you
but, I really wanna meet you once again
It's okay if just a moment...even just for a minute

Running to see my window,
Wishing that car passed is yours
I miss your hug which is warming my fear
I dream of you, dreaming of your hug
I see your face and wake up with tears down

Until the last breath that I can take,
I'm still expecting for your coming
Waiting for you in silence
and preparing my best smile for you later